Moments

by McKenna Lowe

Who are you?

This is the question I found myself asking out loud, as I looked in the mirror at a reflection that I did not recognize. The stranger staring back at me was the epitome of my flaws – impulsive, insecure, disappointed, and detached. I was terrified. In this moment of fear, I finally accepted that I was lost.

Every day, I was going through all of the motions. I maintained my naturally sunny disposition with family, friends, and coworkers. But on the inside I felt cold. I had lost my passion for creating, for my career, and for people. I fell back on my pain and my jaded heart, pretending that everyone important to me didn’t have feelings. When I separated the people I loved from their human emotions, I didn’t have to be accountable for my actions. I never intentionally hurt anyone, but I knew that all of my selfish decisions impacted them. And I detached so that I didn’t have to feel the weight of my guilt.

It was easy to pretend that life had already let me down and hardened my heart at twenty-two years old. It was easy to justify my selfishness by shifting the blame onto the people that had hurt me and disappointed me throughout my life. But that wasn’t me. I wasn’t this jaded, negative person. And the walls that I had built up so high to protect myself started closing in on me.

Right as I began detaching from everyone around me and questioning my purpose, one of those “meant to be” moments happened. I really don’t believe other people can fix us – we have to fix ourselves. However, I do believe that certain people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes that reason is to help us learn something about ourselves and find our path to becoming better.

Much more to come on this later.

Make It Count // M